The Five Strange Uses Of Cloud Computing

Grazed from CloudTweaks. Author: Chris Kenealy.

1. Slowly becoming the next Person on a Hoarders Documentary

There are many times where I find myself sitting at home writing in my dream journal about pointless concepts and not working. This might be because people think reading anything these days that is not a description attached to a streaming video has become as glamorous as a cassette tape of Westboro Baptist Church’s Sunday morning services. One concept in particular I have been fascinating about is what if your email account could manifest itself into a house. Now bear with me, taking how many emails you have, how valuable each one is, and how they are stored I wonder if this house made by your email account would look like a Cleaver Family home – all tidy, organized, and neat where everything has its place, and everyplace has its thing. I find it hard to believe that would be the case purely on how my email looks.

My email house would be an old crazy cat lady’s home with piles upon piles of empty cat food bags stacking up over the years never cleaning up and just letting it fall into the background. The same thing can be said about the cloud. Let me prove it, let me know if you have, “Step by Step,” from New Kids on the Block stored on your cloud. Are you holding onto past parts of you that you never look or relate to anymore? Well then take it off it is 2013 it is time to do some spring cleaning! Well, actually give “Step by Step,” one more listen. Well, okay just keep that song, but only that album. To be perfectly honest I actually quit writing this article to go listen to, “Step by Step,” on YouTube. Ehhhh, I am such a hypocrite who cannot stop humming that song now…

2. Bringing your Ex with you where ever you go

There is something remarkable about how today’s technology mixes with social media that has made it normal for all of us to be a little creepy when it comes to relationships. Now we can stalk a crush on the internet by trying to learn what they like and how to add similar tastes in music, movies, and lifestyles on our profile. The trick is to do this without it looking like we just put it up to impress that cute boy or girl and still have it look organic. Like when I say that I too like dubstep because some person I have a crush on does, but the rest of my music choices have been 1960s acoustic folk rock until now, or am I the only one who thinks about this instead of just calling the person? On the other side of the relationship, you can continue checking up on an ex to make sure they are miserable without you or dating someone much more unattractive than you. Oh, the sweet taste of crazy feels good with a dash of social media. Yet, with the cloud you can introduce a whole new level of strange with your own private mobile shrine to that ex that you are still hung up on who’s got, “The right stuff… baby.” Just think you can store all those pictures of when your ex did not leave you for that terrible person who does not love him or her like you do. Now you can keep thousands of pictures, homemade movies, and love letters with you at all time. It is like she or he never ever, never, ever, never, ever, ever, ever, never, never, never, never, never, ever, ever, ever, never, ever left. Ever… Again…

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